Realizations
by yaoindsakurapetals
Summary: Sakura Haruno: Genin, weak, fangirl. What if while Sakura was alone she meets a couple of rogues...what will happen to change her?


THIS IS A REPLY TO A REVIEW (If they read it): okay um I don't really understand why I'm one of the few who gets ripped on for no summary, because I've seen like hundreds who don't and I explain why where it has the summary why there is no summary. I'm not good at it, and it would have been of no help because I just SUUUUUUCKKKKK at it. And I'm not going to use yours because of my own selfish pride, stupid I know. Besides this is like the only story where I didn't put a summary (don't care if you don't know that just pointing it out.) Also I know Kakashi wouldn't have ever let something like that happen, but this is a **what if **kind of thing like that one time he lets down his guard or something because Team 7 always seems to get out of trouble by themselves, you know? (lol I'm not trying to be mean I'm just justifying why I did what I did) Well at least you didn't rip on my grammar just the concept of my story...which is basically _the_ story.

This will be a story that will be hard to swallow...so please know now the following content will be M-rated. **Will contain rape.** I'm sorry if you do not like it(not like you like rape, but I mean the story),but I felt like this is something that could have happened if it wasn't a kids show and we all know it. Because reality is a bitch, and I'm sorry if I am not accurate in the way a victim would act, I imagined what would happen if I was in this kind of...predicament. TMI? Oh well it's how I managed to write out what I could. **Anyway it's gang-rape...sorry** that this had to come out of my head but for some reason it's what I've been thinking about if Naruto was more...angsty and not focused on one similar problem of being alone because your a monster.

You have been warned.

A/N: 'thought' "talking" the italics after they arrive to Konoha are like her little flashbacks to "issue" if you can't figure that out on your own.

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I do not own Naruto

."S-Sasuke...Naruto...Sensei..help me." her voice worn and torn, pleaded almost as if it was just something to say. Because she knew since it started that it was too late.

*Flashback*

" Sensei! I'm going to go bathe in the river,I'll be back in a while." Sakura called out already on her way to cleanse herself.

"Have a nice bath~" Kakashi called back, concentrated on the book, while Sasuke and Naruto set up the tents.

She hummed to herself along the way, and squealed every now and then at the now and then thought of Uchiha Sasuke, her ultimate crush. She slapped her cheeks, and told herself to think about the mission. Although it was a was a simple deliver the scroll mission, she felt she had to focus on the task and prove herself to Sasuke, so with that in mind she rushed over to the river. She was just going to take a quick soak and be on her way.

Why can't things ever be that simple?

"Well what do we have here, a little peeping kunoichi~" a bulky man with scars riddled all over his tanned torso said teasingly as he waded over to Sakura who hadn't even begun to undress yet and was still on dry ground. " I-I'm sorry I didn't know anyone was here, I'll leave!" she said as she averted her eyes from the naked man in front of her and turned on her heel to go find a spot way way further down the river, because she desperately needed this bath from all the traveling she wasn't going to let a strange man ruin it.

The man had other plans, and so did his companions. " Takashi, what are you doing scaring away such a pretty little thing!" another man skinny and rat faced said coming out from behind a rock, and then as she looked closer she could see there was another man behind there, with an average build,now heading her way to.

" P-please don't worry about it, I'm leaving." she tried to remain calm, they hadn't done anything yet so she had no reason to attack, but she didn't want to turn her back on these men and show how afraid she really was by running. She should have.

The first man, apparently Takashi, stepped out of the river and walked quickly towards the frightened kunoichi, not giving her anytime to react as he dragged the fragile girl back towards the river.

"No! Let go! Please!" she cried struggling with all her might, her nails digging into the skin on his arm, her legs kicking as hard as she could at his legs, and her head thrashing as he turned her so that her back was to his chest.

"Oh~ We got a little fighter here, how cute~" he laughed heartily, and she shivered violently in fear knowing she couldn't escape. 'Some kunoichi I am' she thought wearily. Her pretty pink dress soaked up to her chest as well as her long pink hair, her tears were pouring heavily from her apple green eyes, her skin was cold and pale.

" You scared her Takashi! Hahaha" " Shut up Bato!" he yelled harshly at the rat man, who instantly quieted. The third man was silent but his eyes were full of something she had never experienced before but knew what it was. Lust.

" Hahaha Juto you always were the eager one, why don't you have at her first?" the man's eyes glinted and he was on her faster than she could blink.

"Stop! Get off! Don't touch me!" she screamed in terror as his large hands made their way to the front of her dress, where her under developed chest rested...and he licked his lips in anticipation. There was no way out of this...her team wouldn't be expecting her back for at least an hour with the time she usually takes.

She was going to be raped.

He ripped the material off instead of using the zipper and squeezed her small breasts roughly pulling and tugging until he forcibly made her body react. He latched his tongue on her small breasts and lavished them with saliva before biting until he drew blood. She screamed and struggled, but Takashi still had her in his steel like grip, and she tried to not notice the bulge in both men's crotches. Oh how she tried in vain.

And soon the rat man joined in. They fondled her body, and as promised by the man named Takashi, Juto went first...taking away her virginity, and she felt as though she died right there. When Takashi had his turn she still fought but it was feeble, and the whole time she prayed that maybe Kakashi would come see what was taking so long. He hadn't, she had been gone for an hour. When Bato decided he wanted a round, she wept silently, screaming was almost an unconscious act.

She knew she wasn't going to be the same, it was something she couldn't ignore. She felt dirty, disgusting, and she didn't want to be saved anymore. If they saw her like this she would kill herself with shame.

And then it started again.

They took turns.

Two at a time.

All at once.

Until finally they decided they had enough.

Their fun was over, so they left her there with smiles on their faces, and completely bare and broken.

They hadn't left one spot on her untouched, and she swears that she could see their hand prints on every spot they touched her. They were overlapping with each other on her naked body, and she stayed in the water scrubbing herself weakly over and over at the same spots and as she did so she whimpered "S-sasuke-kun...Naruto...sensei..help me." her voice worn and torn, pleaded almost as if it was just something to say. Because it was too late.

And fifteen minutes later Kakashi came, and he had never felt any more hopeless than he did at that moment. He saw her lips which were cracked and swollen and torn as if something too big had been shoved in. Her hair was wild, and skin a raw pink, there were bruises and some of the many bite marks were bleeding even though she had obviously been scrubbing herself for a while, he didn't have to ask to know what had happened especially when she looked into his eyes.

They were like glass, and the edges were swollen from crying too much, she wasn't even embarrassed that Kakashi was staring at her naked body...but he wasn't staring at her perversely...he didn't know and honestly wasn't sure if he wanted to know what his precious student was thinking at that moment.

Kakashi slowly walked towards her, but with every step he took she waded further away until she was almost on the other side of the bank. "Sakura, it's me your sensei...I won't hurt you." he said reassuringly as he walked on top of the water towards her ready to catch her if she ran, though that wouldn't help the situation any.

_"I'm scared."_ if he hadn't been listening for a response he wouldn't have heard the dry mouthed statement. His heart broke a little. "...I know your scared Sakura, but I can't help if you don't let me. " _"D-don't tell them." _her pleas were making this so much harder for him. He felt a failure as a sensei, he was thinking over all the things that he should have done, but hadn't because for some reason this team always ended up alright, there was always that sense of 'don't worry because it will all turn fine in the end'. All the if only's...but he had to stop thinking about his own problems because right now his student needed him...whether it was too late or not.

"I won't tell them Sakura...just please come here..." he took of his jounin vest and then the blue sweater underneath as she came closer slowly and cautiously when he saw him take off his clothing.

"It's okay...you don't have any clothing right? This is for you, until I come back with more of your clothes." **"DON'T LEAVE!"** she cries, she's close enough to cling to his leg, and he fights the urge to weep. He had never seen Sakura so vulnerable before, and he hopes that she never will be again.

" ...Okay Sakura, I won't leave but you still need to put these on...we'll tell Naruto and Sasuke that they floated down the river is that okay?" she nodded and loosened the hold on his leg, but didn't let go. " Can I pick you up?" he asks quietly, and she hesitates, _" ..everything hurts sensei.."_ she manages to choke out. "I'll be careful, I promise." he says and is relieved that after a little more coaxing she allows him to pick her up, and walks to the shore.

He slips on the large sweater and is glad to see that it goes to her knees, and then puts the flak on, so that he doesn't have to add sickness to the list of things he couldn't protect her from...and then we have to report the incident to the Hokage...I hope she can handle it.

"Do you want to go back now or do you want to wait a little...?" he said looking at her frail figure and she shakes her head," _I'll go now, just let me get my stuff.._" he cringes a little at the scratchiness of her voice...how long and hard had she screamed?

When she returns with her belongings, she begins the walk back but Kakashi has other plans. "Sakura you're in no condition to walk I'll carry you." "_No_ sensei..."she coughs a little " _it'll b-be best if I walk...I d-don't want to answer a-any questions." _although Kakashi doesn't approve of this he agrees but stands close to her so that if it even looks like she's having trouble, he'll be right there to help...like he should have been almost two hours ago...He was paying too close attention to Sasuke and Naruto, stopping those idiots from killing each other...

'I wonder if they're still around here' the thought of vengeance rings loud and true in Kakashi's head and he hopes that maybe he'll have the time to look for someone bragging about their latest...conquest. As horrible as that sounds, rape isn't that uncommon in young kunoichi even ones as young as Sakura in fact the Shinobi world that's one of the most common tragedies that occur, so that's why women need to be more readily prepared before they go out into the world so that...this doesn't happen...even though sometimes all the preparation in the world can't save a victim because it can come from the most unsuspected places. This one could have been avoidable if only Kakashi had thought about it. Kakashi will forever regret his decision and work hard at making it up to his precious pupil, even if that won't fix anything.

Right before they entered the clearing where Sasuke and Naruto waited, Sakura breathed in deeply and a pout formed on her face eyes narrowed, and a small blush on her face. "It's not fair Kakashi!" she whined which surprised Kakashi immensely, so he stayed silent and she continued into the clearing where Sasuke and Naruto looked her way in wonder, "DON'T ASK!" she yelled loud and clear before rushing into her tent.

'This is how she would usually act i- of coarse!...Sakura really doesn't want them to know huh..' Kakashi figured out her game plan, and let out a sigh. "Boys I recommend staying out of her way for the rest of the trip...her clothes got washed down the river...so she's a little upset. Naruto made an ooh face " So that's why your shirtless Kakashi-sensei!" Kakashi nodded and looked at Sasuke who was staring at Sakura's tent like it had grown arms and legs.

"Sasuke is something wrong?" "Why were there red marks on her legs and neck...why does it look like she was crying?" he asked him straight-out a look of anger in his eyes like he was putting the pieces of the puzzle together. "Kakashi you bastard what did you do to Sakura-chan!" Naruto screamed.

Sakura poked her head out, a look of pure menace on her face, " HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING BUT IF YOU KEEP SHOUTING I'LL DO SOMETHING TO YOU!" Kakashi sighed in relief, "Sakura slipped on some rocks and was so embarrassed that she cried...you happy now boys?" they both looked down like they were a little ashamed.

Sasuke still looked somewhat doubtful though. 'Oh well he can't be certain unless Sakura says something...and I don't think that' s going to happen.' he thought a little sadly.

...

And so they finished the mission, and finally made it back to Konoha. Unfortunately the client was troublesome Kakashi couldn't go and search for _them,_so all the way home there was an evil glint in his eye as he "read" his book, imagining ways of torture if he were to ever find them one day. Naruto and Sasuke had stayed out of Kakashi's way the rest of the way home, and Sakura stayed in between them and Kakashi.

The day after arrival ,so she could have a chance to prepare herself, it was going to be time to tell the Hokage and Kakashi exactly what happened and most likely go to the hospital before that for the examination that she practically forced Kakashi to not take her to yet...she knew she couldn't handle it at the moment, having people touching her so soon.

She told her mother and father what happened,they needed to be the first to know...they're family. And they wept, holding their baby girl in their arms they cried asking why this had to happen to her. She was glad she didn't give them specifics...she would have broken down to...and she knows the answer to the 'why' they ask...it was because she hesitated, instead of acting upon the training she was given as a kunoichi, she acted like a scared civilian.

She knew she needed to change.

Sakura after her parents fell asleep on the couch, tired from all the tears they wept, went to her room and stared into the body-length mirror by the bed in front of the nightstand.

_"Takashi, what are you doing scaring away such a pretty little thing!" _she bit her already damaged lips, in anger.

_"Oh~ We got a little fighter here, how cute~" _she clenched her fists in outrage.

They ran their hands through her pink hair, complimenting it's silkiness while they had their way with her. Remembering those words of praise, she grabs a pair of scissors, and she cuts. She cuts it so short that their was only a thin layer left. (Imagine Sai's hair but pink.)

_"Did you hear Ino, Sasuke-kun likes girls with long hair!" _Remembering how happy I was later on when I managed to grow it to my waist...I wish I could feel like that again.

She touches her face, and knows that she has to cover it;to feel just a little more secure. 'Maybe I'll ask Kakashi for one of his masks tomorrow...or just go to the store' she thinks dully, but then remembers something.

*flashback*

_"Here you go dear!" Sakura's mother handed her a small wrapped box, a box so mall it fit square in the palm of her hand in it's beautiful silver paper and white bow. _

_"Okaa-san, what is this?" she asks the tall blonde haired woman._

_She smiles and says, "Open it and find out dear!" Sakura's hand goes to the neatly tied ribbon and while she delicately opens it her mother explains, " You're father said that he's seen many shinobi and sometimes even kunoichi wear them, it not only helps if there are debris but if the enemy doesn't know who you are, then it can also be extremely beneficial so they can't know find out who you are. I mean you're father is only a genin but..well he knows more about this stuff than I do..so I thought why not."_

_"Okaa-san its beautiful,but I don't think I'll use it..I mean I'm only a genin so it's not like I have to go after any strong ninja." Sakura says admiring the silk silver face mask, that had excess cloth so that you could just slip it over your shoulders,but it'd stay put once on. "Yeah, I guess you're right I mean look at your father!" her mother laughs and Sakura laughs along with her._

*flashback over*

' I never thought about using it for something like this though...' she thought taking the silver cloth into her hand and clutching it over her chest.

_"What a pretty dress! Why'd you have to do and ruin it Juto?!"_ she recalls the man exclaiming, and she shivers in disgust as she looks at her closet where a few copies of the ruined dress lie...They were meant for Sasuke-kun..Walking over to them, she grabs the whole lot, walks to the corner of her room and dumps them there, so that in the morning she can give them to charity or if possible ask her mother to sell them if she wanted the spare change.

She goes back to her closet and looks at her options, inside are bright colored sleeveless shirts, and a couple sweaters, also there are a quite few pairs of spandex shorts, or skirts, a few pairs of sweatpants...She decides to wear the sweaters and sweatpants until she has enough to buy more clothes.

'I can't stand out anymore! It's not safe' she thinks biting her thumb nail, and falling onto her bed. Thinking carefully she remembers, a few shinobi she's seen and realizes she can use bandages to cover any skin that shows, it's not uncommon at all and in fact is considered quite useful.

Although it's going to just be a change in appearance it makes a hell of a difference...so much. Material items were all that she cared about, they were what she drove to perfect not her skills. She needed to ask for help...but not from Kakashi, I needed a Kunoichi...maybe Ino can help me...

'But then again she thinks were rivals, maybe she won't help me...' and then Sakura realizes something, "Where are you Inner?" she whispers in her room as if it would answer her. She knows that Inner was born out of all the things she wouldn't say made from the confidence she wished that she had, made out of her love for Sasuke-kun...

Maybe...she was another part of Sakura that died...because by now her would-be-self would be screaming at the top of her lungs about all the ways to get back at those...monsters...or maybe it's because she's changing herself, if she changes herself doesn't that mean that she would no longer be needed?

I choke on a sob, ' I can't do this alone...come back!' my thoughts echo and there is silence. I clutch the side of my head and cry the same thought over and over again tears of frustration.

'Am I really that broken?'

*next morning 5:39 A.M*

I wake up with a pounding headache, the kind that throbs behind your eyelids. I didn't even sleep all too well, woken up most of the time by nightmares...nightmares of _that_. I go to the shower and scrub myself raw once again, the water reminding me of _that._ An air of gloom swallows and drowns me in its self-pitying atmosphere. I force myself to ignore that feeling and as if on autopilot I grab a sweater and a pair of sweatpants from the closet and slip them on, fingers runn through my hair or at least what's left of it.

I look at the clock and see that it's a few minutes past six. 'I don't have to go to the hospital until 7:00...then the Hokage...I don't want to.' Nobody needs to know and it's my fault it happened in the first place.' I don't want to do this anymore...'Stop you can't think that!' I slap my cheeks and fight back that empty feeling inside. I fight back that fear, that hate, that empty scary feeling where something precious once was, and it takes so much more energy than before to cheer myself up without my inner that I almost give up.

Almost. Like back there at the river.

*Flashback* Sakura Pov

_Clean. Clean. Clean...it hurts! My skin...Clean. Clean. Clean! Clean! Clean! Clean!Clean! Clean! I hadn't noticed that while I was thinking this I was still calling for help. I also hadn't really thought about anything else. And then I stopped._

_The aches, the bleeding, the pain, the disgust, the pity. It all just stopped. And then I thought ' I'm never going to be clean again...I'll always be weak and I'll always be ruined...' I'm Done._

_I hear a noise and turn my head slowly to see Kakashi-sensei. I just look at him, and he looks at me with something akin to pity. He walks forward on top of the water and at any other time before this I would have been amazed. But right now I feel nothing. Except a little fear. I wade back a quarter of an inch to get farther from him. It doesn't register that he's safe, and that he would never hurt me. So with each step he takes I go a little farther until the water is barely at my knees. _

_"Sakura, it's me your sensei...I won't hurt you." _

_"I'm scared." My voice comes out of its own will, and I feel my senses reaching out towards this man..._

*End of Flashback*

I didn't even help myself there...if Kakashi hadn't been as gentle and calm as he had been I might have...I don't want to think about that either.

My mind thinks back to the bell test. The only thoughts during that time were Sasuke! Sasuke! Sasuke!

And then the mission to land of waves. Would anything have been different if I hadn't been there at all...?

What the hell have I done to even consider myself a kunoichi? A shinobi?

I can't fight the tears as I fall to my knees for nth time in my life and wonder how it all came to be, or in better words what is there?

I've let my team down, and I've made my parents cry over something that's my problem.

I try to steady my breathing in between choked sobs, using the end of my sleeve to wipe away at swollen cheeks.

...

I'm done getting help.

I'm done being weak.

I'm done being useless.

I'm done with that stupid crush.

But I'm not done living.

I glance at the clock and see that it's almost 7.

The clock ticks and never slows down for me as I rush out of the door, anxiety creeping in the corners of my mind, but I manage.

Because this will be the day I will begin to climb over hurdles with my strength.

No matter if it starts with this...

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Please tell me if you see any errors that bother you (grammatical ones)

THIS IS A ONESHOT. I'll explain the ending if you don't get it so read the next few sentences please if you didn't. Sakura although her mourning period was short decides to not be ineffective anymore (like at being a ninja and a person) and will try to fix her shortcomings. She recognizes the incident as her first problem although a huge one. No she did not all of a sudden forget her rape and move on. No I will not type more. And no I don't feel bad because this was a spur of the moment kind of writing that had no particular ending to begin with, so meh deal with it.

On the other hand if you liked it, I'm sorry I couldn't provide you with better. I know it's not the best but if you liked it I'm glad you were able to endure it.

Oh yea I'm using Sakura's parents from the actual anime okay? Good because I don't really care if you think it's okay(just kidding I love you guys...even if I don't know you). And remember if you were offended by the end of this I warned you before hand what its content was.

Hey did anybody else think ,when it said that inner was born out of the confidence she wished she had and her love for Sasuke, about Shugo Chara I mean this is completely inappropriate for this kind of story but after re-reading it I couldn't help but think that.


End file.
